onceayr.

  syatp:

douglas macarthur

high school

2006.

200 students ya'll!!!

how great is our God.

mhm.

harumph. long week. seemed like it wasn't gonna end. i hate that kind...

but i was able to reconnect with some people&have a little fun. so overall it was good.

just now...i have so many things running through my head.

i want to be involved in church leadership stuff. but for now other commitments and the fact that i don't have my license yet makes it a little hard to get to whatever events/classes i'd want to. plus, i'm not sure i feel ready? usually i jump into that kinda thing, no problem. but...the more i get closer to God sometimes-- the more inadequate to lead i feel lol. // at school...i want so badly to get involved in fca and the bible study, but again, transportation and time issues. plus, idk what all i would be able to offer really...what on earth would they have me do??? lol // then there's witnessing...i've met a lot of people here-- atheists, satanists, agnostics. goodness gracious. i wonder if i'm being a good enough example? when a good time to talk to them about Christ would be...gah. // and then i worry if i'm reaching out enough...letting enough people know how deeply i care about them. i'd like to say i'm emotionally-challenged and don't let too many others through my 'wall' but when i take a good look at things-- i'm a serious crybaby and i love almost everyone...  leavin myself wide open for some heartache i'm sure.

and there's jackie's thoughts. sorry it wasn't too exciting. get over it.

praisepraisepraise. =D

"And the heavens will praise Thy wonders, O Lord; Thy faithfulness also in the assembly of the holy ones." Psalm 89:5

i had taken my school, my drill team, my neighborhood-- as my next mission fields. i was prepared to do battle against the devil darnit. i came with the expectation that it would be all up to me to bring the light of Christ into that place, because, surely: it was all pure evil. (as we know, everything outside church walls always is.)

what a surprise...she wants to be a youth minister. this one's a leader in her congregation. that one drives her boyfriend's family to church every sunday so they can hear His Word. she lifts up her soul and hands to God on tuesday's bible study in room B226. after drill practice he puts on his Contemporary Christian songs. the way we found our current church in the first place was through a presbyterian minister neighbor.

how silly of me. why would God not send people to each other? to help, to encourage, to love, to inspire...i was beginning to close out everyone else when i thought it was all my duty. that i was the only one in this fight. i felt a need to isolate myself from the 'uncleanness' of those around me. and although it's important to be set apart, i was so set apart i wasn't part of anything. not even His Body. which does exist outside of sunday services and youth group.

i just had to sit back and breathe a sigh of relief the other day on this. coming to Fuel so full of burdens and in no way preparing myself to praise Him or any of His incredible aspects. so suddenly in the middle of a song- the feeling of His presence and reassurance enough to knock me off my feet. pent-up frustrations running down my face and my heart lifting to Him...what else could i do but cry out to Him? give Him the most honest 'thankyou' i'd whispered all week?

we'reneveralone. He makes sure of that with not only His presence, but also of others who are committed to our same passion. finding others who are followers, i think, is a miracle in itself. although we could survive on just His support...because of how good our Holy Father is and how deeply He loves us: He chooses to give us more, so that we might be even further strengthened. praise GOD.

muse.

well i've come to the decision that i'll write for myself on here. whether you choose to comment or not is up to you. comments are overrated anyhow.

the more complacent i become, the 'easier' life becomes: the more i lose my focus. i almost relish my hard times, because of how desperate for the Lord i become. because of how many lessons i learn in such short periods of time. the fears, worries, pain, tears-- all worth it for the leaps and bounds i take in my walk.

i actually went to the trouble of writing my Math teacher an apology note for snapping at him last week during class, letting him know it was God that convicted me to write such a thing and hand it over to him. such a scary thing, this impressions concept...people watch. and remember. a lot more than we think. i've never felt so aware of my witness.

"But I do not consider my life of any account as dear to myself, in order that I may finish my course, and the ministry which I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify solemnly of the gospel of the grace of God." Acts 20:24

what a strange idea. to completely walk in the opposite manner of the world: because we are aware of the Truth that is so real and the Sacrifice that was made for us.

what a difficult road we walk. to deny ourselves the most basic of desires engrained in us by our sinful surroundings and flesh. to be self-centered, self-seeking, self-gratifying...to instead give our glory and attentions to a holy being and the Body. to love at all times, even those who thoroughly screw us over.

please stand firm. we know He's worthy of the effort.

well, my resolve lasted a good month, you gotta give me that at least.

now i'll update...but only if i get comments darnit!

or i'll just go right back to not typing anything for a month

here we go.

my school is awesome: kids there are the sweetest and i've made friends in no time. rotc and drill team take up most of my 'education hours' while i'm at mac- not that i mind at all. we have a Bible Study that meets every tuesday morning and it's comprised of some seriously strong student leaders. this pleases and blesses me more than i can say. i've enjoyed every session we've had and hope to get to know the members better.

college looms in the back of my head and relatives seem to relish constantly reminding me of how on my own i'll be. not that i mind that either tehe.

i'm not sure if it's the change of scenery, the change of pace, or a change in me. but i've felt closer to God than i have in a long long time. and things are starting to come together, lessons are being learned at a rapid pace all the sudden, and a lot of conviction has been showing in various incidents...

i'd really missed that.

and now i leave you with a photo of the afternoon Texas sky, from the view of my driveway.